One year later - first meeting with the oncologist

As I think back to this day one year ago, it was probably one of the more frightening days of my journey. As a pastor, I had met with a number of people who had seen oncologists. It was one of the few doctors that I feared, and that was because of the disease he focused on - cancer. So when I was first told that I needed to meet with Dr. Vogel, my blood pressure went up, this meant it was real, I had cancer.

Dr. Vogel is a brilliant man who serves people who are facing life-threatening diseases daily. I truly admire him and the work he does, but to this day, I still get nervous when I have an appointment with him. Again, it is not him, it is the disease and, now, the fear of recurrence.

But at that first meeting, we were not sure what to expect. Jen and I already knew I would be having surgery, but the rest of the treatments were up in the air. So as we sat down and he went over the scans and biopsy, we started to see that there would be more than just surgery.

One thing that impressed me at the beginning was that he already had an idea what caused the cancer. His assumption, which turned out to be right, was that I had a genetic mutation that affected a very small percentage of white males under 40.

So I was/am special:)

But he picked up on that right away. He then went through the surgery and finally said, after surgery we will have radiation and chemo too.

This was the first bombshell, esp for Jen. At this point we were hopeful that it would only be surgery, but to add radiation, and esp. chemo, that sent up more warning flags.

How would I react to the chemo?
How would the girls react?
How much extra work would Jen need to do, at home and the office?
And the list of questions went on.

Looking back, again I was very blessed. I handled the treatments very well and the congregation was an amazing blessing to us every step of the way. It could not have gone smoother.

It is so nice to be able to look back and see those blessings, and see the hand of God every step of the way on this journey.

At my next meeting with Dr. Vogel I am sure I will be nervous again - waiting for results from my April 15th CT Scan. But I am also reassured, because I see God at work in this process and in my life, and I have an oncologist who is a true blessing to me.

March 22, 2010 - One year later

As I think back to March 22, 2010, I realize that it is a day that things became more real to me. It was this day that I had a breathing test. Now the test itself wasn't that big a deal, my lung capacity was good, quite good actually, but it was also one of those times that reality set in. as I sat in that little glass tube and blew out a tube in my mouth, I started to think, "How will my breathing be affected after the surgery? Will I be able to run around with the girls? What does this mean for walks around the riverfront with Jennifer?"

But it was also a moment of hope. As I sat with the tech who as doing the test, she told me about the surgery I would probably have. It turns out it wasn't that kind of surgery, but the fact that she sat there and took time to ease my mind, that was a blessing in itself. She also told me that my lung capacity would not be affected that much. Initially she was right, it was the radiation that has affected my lungs more than the surgery.

Looking back the test helped me get a better grasp of what was going on, and it helped move me forward to get ready for the next step of the process.

Tomorrow - One year after my first meeting with Dr. Vogel, the Oncologist.

Diagnosis - 1 Year Later

So it was a year ago today that I was sitting in Dr. Patel's office with Jennifer getting the news that I had cancer. That moment still seems quite surreal to me - looking back and reflecting on all the emotions, thoughts, prayers that were running through my mind at the time.

And what a difference a year can make.

Today I went in for a blood draw, since I have a regular doctor's appointment on Monday and all my levels need to be checked. As I was sitting there, have a needle gently pressed into my skin, I started thinking back to all of the needles I have had inserted into me over the past year. There must have been hundreds of them (thank God I have good veins, or this would have been awful!)

But with all the needles, with the surgery, the treatments, the prayers (I seem to mention that one a lot:), this past year has gone as smooth as it possibly could. I have had two clean CT's and feel wonderful. Yes, the diagnosis from one year ago truly has been a blessing, because the cancer was caught and treated and I can go on living this gift of life to the fullest.

The past year has also slowed me down in many ways as well. I make more time to celebrate the little things - a daughter's laugh, my wife's smile, the squeal of joy coming from an infant - all these things mean so much, and are such a treasure that I will never take for granted again.

So one year down, and many, many more to go - always celebrating the blessings of life!

Reflections

As we entered March, my mind started wandering back to a year ago. It was on March 1, 2010 that I started the medical journey to discover I had cancer and then have the surgery and start the treatments. Over the next few weeks I will be posting some reflections about what I am feeling on some of those milestone days.

It is hard to believe that it has been a year, the time has gone very fast. I am reminded each and every day of how blessed I am that I had a doc who went the extra mile to find out what was going on with me. When I started this process back last year, I had a hard time looking past the next test or next doctor's appointment, let alone looking forward a year or more. But after two clean CT's, lots of prayers, and being blessed with docs that are the best at what they do, now I look forward to the future in amazing ways. It is about living with hope - hope in the God that loves us, hope in the healing hand of the Spirit, hope in the future.

Holding onto promises

This week has hit me hard. I started with two funerals, have a WELCA service on Saturday, a dear friend lost his mother, number of people on hospice, and lent is only a week away. So the busy-ness of the season is well upon me.

But as I was preparing for one of the funerals, I was reminded of the promises that Christ makes to us - promises of love, grace, forgiveness, and new life. In the hardest of times, it is these promises that hold onto us, helping us make it through the dark valleys so that we can celebrate the still waters and the restoration of our souls.

This week I also received an e-mail saying that the production of my book is about to start. It is a moment of great joy, as I am excited to see this happening, and a moment of, "Oh man, lent and this all together." Again I was reminded, rejoice in the gifts you have been given - and I will rejoice in this gift as well.

Throughout Lent I hope to be on here more often, providing some thoughts and reflections for all of you, as well as for me. Also I have a new Lent Devotional I will have available by Ash Wednesday. Anyone interested please let me know.

CT Results

Today I got the results from the my CT Scan and there is no cancer present. I can breath another sigh of relief now.

But it was unnerving for a few minutes there. It turns out that the radiologist had not sent the results over to my doctor, even though the test had been on Tuesday. So he went through the scans on the computer and he kept stopping at a certain area. Finally he said he saw something and wanted to talk to the radiologist about it. So they are on the phone talking about this thing they see, asking if I have a fever, etc. Finally they agree that it is probably an infection and I should take antibiotics for it. That would explain me getting winded running up and down the stairs too - so that is good.

The other option is that it is post-radiation changes. Hearing that I went over to my radiation oncologist and he looked at the report. His thought is that it is delayed radiation changes and he was going to look at the scan to confirm as well.

The great news is that it is either an infection or past-radiation changes. No cancer!

My next CT is on April 15th - last year on April 15th is when I had the cancer surgery, so this a good day to do another scan. The results will be out the following Wednesday.

Thank you for all the prayers and support. I truly appreciate. Tonight is celebration night!

CT Week

Tomorrow I go in for my second post-treatment CT. Doing the scan itself is no big deal, I have done enough of these now that it is a simple little process.

It is the mental stuff that still gets to me.

Thinking about the what the results might be is still frightening. I am very hopeful that all is well and the scan will be clean, but there is still that nagging little doubt in the back of my mind.

For example - for the past month plus I have been getting winded when I run up and down stairs or do something physical. I know that they took out a part of my lung, so getting winded should not be that big of a deal, but there is always the nagging thought of what else could be causing it.

But again, I remember how blessed I am that I have come this far with the treatment. I have gone through everything that I needed to, and my body has held up very well. So, as I said, I am hopeful that the results will be just like last time - a clean CT.

I get the results on Friday, I do appreciate all your prayers.