Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Wednesday Morning Coffee
Knowing me means that you know how much I love coffee. When I am in the office there is always a pot going, I like my occasional trips to Starbucks, and I look forward to sitting with friends and family talking about life while celebrating a cup of coffee.
So today I am attempting to start a new tradition on the blog, Wednesday Morning Coffee. On Wednesday mornings I will be posting so thoughts and questions that I hope will be fodder for conversations that can take place for the rest of the week.
So today my thoughts have to do with relationships and communication (yeah, big surprise, I know:).
Yesterday our Intern Jeremy and I were at a training session for Interns and Supervisors. During one of the sessions the presenter was telling us about a study that has been going on for over 15 years in the Pacific Northwest. There is a psychiatrist who has dedicated his life to studying couples and seeing what helps to make marriages stronger. One of the amazing points of his work is that with all of the data he has gathered he has a 92% success ratio in determining if a marriage will work or not.
And he has come up with one major key as to the success of a marriage, any guesses as to what it is?
What he has come up with is the ratio of affirmations to critiques. Those who have a ratio of at least 7 affirmations to 1 critique in their relationship have a much higher percentage of having a healthy, happy, lasting marriage. Now, I will admit, I always thought a ratio of 1 to 1 was what was necessary, but after thinking about it, this makes sense.
It is easier for us to take criticism when we have been affirmed in what we are doing, and it also seems to take longer to hear the affirmations, while the criticisms cut to the bone rather quickly.
So how do you do with giving affirmations? Do you give positive feedback to others on a regular basis?